Parents who are separating need to carefully taking into account the welfare of their children, it can be a very difficult time for children and ensuring children have the best understanding of the reasons for your separation will be helpful. Often children can blame themselves for the reasons for parental separation.

The use of appropriate language, the right timing to have conversations with your children (ideally together) and what you may be saying to them needs to be age and personality appropriate. “What will happen to me, my brothers, my home, holidays and our holidays spent together?” are some of the frequent first questions children will have for you.  

This means that it is important to share with them and explain to them about how you each intent to be around for them and what plans will be put in place to look after them. It is crucial to guarantee  a strong sense of stability and constancy of care, being clear about your role you will play in their lives as a parent and that your primary responsibility to continue to make sure they feel loved and protected. In any dialogue to have with your children it is essential to reassure children, helping them to understand that this situation is not their fault and that you will always remain at their side, no matter what happens. Equally it is important that you do not blame your partner, children often feel confused about loyalties during separation, blaming your partner will only exacerbate this for your child. Frequent conversations with your child  play a fundamental role, particularly during the period of early separation and beyond.. A lack of clear and precise explanations and honesty in answer their questions will result in children becoming more anxious and stressed.  

21 November 2019

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